Why Clarity Always Comes Before Change
Many of us try to bring about change in the way we’ve been conditioned to: by trying harder.
More thinking. More planning. More effort. More determination. When that doesn’t work, it’s easy to assume the problem is a lack of motivation, confidence, or discipline.
It rarely is.
More often, the difficulty lies in trying to create change from an old identity — one designed to keep us safe inside the life we already have. From that place, even positive change can feel risky, selfish, or overwhelming.
Until we gain crystal clarity about who we need to become rather than the what or the how we’re going to do it — change won’t be sustainable, or even feel possible. Instead, it continues to feel like a threat, or at the very least, far harder than it actually needs to be.
Feeling stuck isn’t a lack of options — it’s an identity lag
When women tell me they feel stuck with a life that no longer brings fulfilment, they often assume it’s because there are no other options available to them. In reality, the options are always there — they just don’t feel believable yet. The sense of what’s possible always lags behind an identity shift. We can outgrow who we’ve been long before we fully trust who we’re becoming. The mind is looking for certainty, but we don't know it's safe yet to step into a new identity. So we tell ourselves we don't have a choice but to stay stuck. Its the paradox that keeps most of us from living our best life.
Why your current self can’t see your next chapter clearly
When fear is in the driving seat, it becomes hard to see what’s possible. And when it comes to change, fear is almost always present — if not driving, then at least sitting there as a passenger. Trying harder to make an outdated identity fit doesn’t bring clarity; it usually just creates pressure. Clarity comes when you change how you look at things, not when you keep searching from the same place. Paraphrasing a principle often attributed to Einstein: you can’t solve a problem from the same way of thinking that created it.
Identity determines what feels “possible” — and what doesn’t
Identity shapes how we see every option. Before we think things through logically, it influences what feels sensible, responsible, or out of reach. That’s why the same opportunity can feel exciting to one woman and threatening to another.
Until identity shifts, change is often experienced as danger, even when we know it makes sense. But when identity changes, what once felt impossible can start to feel obvious — not because the situation is different, but because we are.
All of this points to a simple truth: change doesn’t start with action. It starts with how you see yourself. When you stop trying to force things from an identity you've already outgrown, and pause to understand who you are becoming, things begin to settle. Decisions feel easier. Options open up. What once felt threatening starts to feel like the natural next step.
This isn’t about reinventing yourself overnight. It’s about noticing that the version of you who built this life may not be the one who takes it forward.
On My Bookshelf...
That brings me to my book recommendation this month.
Untamed By Glennon Doyle
Untamed ignigted my passion for identity work when I read it 3 years ago and inspired my own personal growth journey. It explores what happens when a woman realises she has been living according to expectations, conditioning, and approval — and begins to listen instead to her own inner knowing.
What makes this book so relevant here is that it speaks directly to identity shift. Glennon doesn’t tell you what to do next. She invites you to notice where you’ve been playing it safe at the expense of being fully alive.
It’s a powerful reminder that clarity doesn’t come from figuring your life out. It comes from remembering who you are when you stop abandoning yourself.
For any woman who senses that her life no longer quite fits — but hasn't yet given herself permission to want't more, this book will open your heart to what is possible.
Your Next Step: Get Clarity
If you know something needs to change, but you don’t yet know what or how, this is where to start.
The Clarity Breakthrough Session is a 90-minute private session designed to help you step out of noise, urgency, and overthinking — and see what’s really going on beneath the surface.
You’ll leave knowing what’s draining your energy, what this next chapter is asking of you, and which direction now makes sense — without forcing decisions or pushing yourself harder. To find out more, click the link below
Clarity First
Let’s Stay Connected
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And if you haven’t already, don’t forget to join Soul Sirens Circle — a private Facebook community where this month’s conversation continues. It’s a safe, inspiring space to share insights, find support, and connect with other women who are also designing life on their own terms. Click here to register your interest and receive your invitation. I can't wait to see you there!
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